Our society often presents a narrow and damaging definition of success to children, one that is almost exclusively tied to academic achievement and prestigious accolades. A clinical psychologist urges parents to actively rethink and broaden this definition, arguing that a more holistic view of success is essential for preventing burnout and raising well-rounded individuals.
This narrow focus on grades is a direct contributor to the “perfectionism” that clinical psychologist Meghna Kanwat warns against. When a child believes that their entire worth is measured by their report card, the pressure becomes immense and any perceived failure can feel catastrophic. This is a fertile ground for anxiety and burnout.
Parents can actively counter this by celebrating a wider range of qualities and accomplishments. Praise your child’s kindness, their resilience in the face of a challenge, their creativity, their effort, or their courage to stand up for something they believe in. This communicates that you value their character as much as, if not more than, their academic performance.
Engaging older students in conversations about their own “values and priorities,” as Kanwat suggests, is a powerful way to help them build their own definition of a successful life. This encourages them to think about what fulfillment means to them personally, which may or may not be directly tied to a high-powered career.
By consciously rethinking achievement, parents can liberate their children from the crushing weight of a singular, often unattainable, standard of success. They can foster a more robust sense of self-worth that is not dependent on external validation, which is the ultimate foundation for a happy, healthy, and genuinely successful life.